


When We Were Young

by RacingHeart



Category: Political RPF, Political RPF - US 21st c.
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-02 12:27:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 15,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8667706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RacingHeart/pseuds/RacingHeart
Summary: After the scandal died down they came to an agreement. She would remain his wife for the rest of his term. After they left the White House they could go their separate ways. What they didn't count on was someone from Hillary's past reappearing and turning everything upside down. Will Bill let her go or will he fight for his wife?





	1. Chapter 1

When We Were Young

 

Reese Van Maar. She repeated the name in her head. He wasn’t someone she had thought about in thirty years. She left for Wellesley and never really looked back. She was so caught up in her own dreams and ambitions that everything from home just kind of faded away after a while. 

She was seventeen years old that summer, he was eighteen, and they were heading off to college in the fall. They had promised to make their last free summer an adventure. And that’s exactly what they had done. They stayed in touch for a while, got together over winter break their freshman year, and then drifted apart after that. 

“Mrs. Clinton?” her aide asked again. “Will you take the call, ma’am?”

Hillary pulled herself back into the present. “Yes.” she replied. “Put him through.” She picked up the phone. “Reese?”

“Thanks for taking my call.” he immediately said. “I know how busy you must be.”

“I always have time for an old friend.”

Is that what she considered him? An old friend? “I have a favor to ask you, but don’t feel obligated to say yes.”

Just hearing his voice brought back so many memories. Helping him out was the least she could do, “If possible, I’d be more than happy to.”

“I’m running for Senator and I wanted to know if you would be willing to help me campaign.” he asked. “It’s just one event.”

“I’d love to.”

Reese was a little surprised by how quickly she answered him. “Okay, I have a list of events coming up that I can email to your staff. Once you find a date that works for you just have your staff let mine know.”

“Absolutely.” she replied. “You’ll have an answer by the end of the day.”

“I cannot thank you enough, Hillary.”

She smiled. “Well, I do owe you one.”

“This will make us more than even.” 

Hillary laughed. “We’ll see about that.” she said. “I’ll be in contact.”

“Take care, Hillary.”

“You too, Reese.” she placed the phone back in its cradle and called on her favorite aide. “Huma I need you to find me everything you can on Reese Van Maar. He’s running for Senate in Illinois.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Hillary sat back in her high back chair. Her fingers played with the wedding rings on the opposite hand. She needed a distraction from everything and she did love campaigning. Besides it would be nice to see Reese again too. 

tbc…


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the feedback! Trying something a little different here. Probably going to come out with the same outcome though :)

When We Were Young

 

Upon landing the First Lady was greeted by much fanfare. When the door to the plane opened, her agents went ahead of her. Reese was standing down at the bottom of the stairs awaiting her. He was the epitome of tall, dark, and handsome. She fought to bog down the flutters in her heart. Surely this was nothing more than nostalgia reuniting with her first love after so many years apart. 

He was a widower of four years. The father of two sons, Adam, a freshman at Stanford, and Jacob, a sophomore at UCLA. He had been assistant district attorney in Chicago before taking the job as Mayor and then Governor. Now his sights were set on the Senate. 

Reese reached out for her hand as she descended the last few steps. She graciously accepted and once her feet were planted firmly on solid ground she moved to hug him. His arms encompassed her and he bent his head to whisper in her ear. “You look absolutely stunning.” he said. “Thank you for coming.”

“Time has certainly been good to you.” she pulled back from their embrace, her blue eyes meeting his brown ones. “I’m so glad we could do this.” 

“You didn’t have to agree to three events.”

Hillary smiled. “I enjoy campaigning.”

“I guess I should count myself lucky then.” he smiled back. “I’m looking forward to talking strategy with you, but first I want us to catch up.”

“That could take a while.”

“I love a leisure lunch.”

The ride to the Governor’s Mansion didn’t take long, enough for a little small talk and light conversation. They laughed their way through most of lunch trading stories of their children and their respected legal careers over the years. 

They had moved their conversation into the living room afterward. Him reminding her about things that they were involved with in school. They were surrounded by memories of the past. Memories when life was easier. When time stood completely still on hot summer nights. 

“Do you remember the night at the lake when Ellen and Dan were skinny dipping and you took their clothes and hid them?”

Hillary laughed recalling the memory. “Ellen was furious.” she told him. “She didn’t speak to me for a week.”

Reese chuckled. “You know I don’t think they ever found them.”

“I would have given them back but you distracted me and I completely forgot about them.”

They had made love on the deck of the sailboat. He remembered how beautiful she looked, dark hair fanned out on a red flannel blanket. Her bare skin basking in the moonlight above them. “God, we were so young.” his voice was tinged with sadness. “Innocent.”

“I don’t remember either one of us being all that innocent.” she teased. “Maybe naïve about how the world actually worked.”

“That was a hell of a summer, wasn’t it?”

Hillary nodded. “Yes it was.” she agreed, softly. “Feels like a lifetime ago.”

“In a way it was.”

Just being in his presence brought up so many old thoughts and feelings. He had been her first. Her first love, her first lover, her first heartbreak. They were going to conquer the world together. Until the world got in between them. 

He went on to marry Hannah, a beautiful young doctor, and she met and fell in love with Bill. Neither one of them ever looked back. They had no reason to. But now sitting across from each other they both knew that something still lingered between them. And maybe that was why they had never made the effort to reconnect before. 

“You know, I never called Bill.” she said, trying to break whatever was happening between them. “I meant to when I landed but it just slipped my mind.”

“Oh, well, go ahead.” he told her. “Use my study.”

/////

Hillary took a few deep breaths before she dialed the number. She was trying to get her head on straight. She wasn’t entirely sure of what just happened out there. Not only did she go through a walk down memory lane, but she found herself longing to go even further. 

He picked up on the third ring. “Hi, darlin’.” he greeted her. “How was your flight?”

“It was fine.” 

“How’s Van Maar?”

“He’s well.” she replied. “We’ve been reminiscing.”

Bill was silent for a few moments. “Is everything okay, Hils?” Something was off, he could tell by the sound of her voice.

“Yes.” she immediately replied. “Everything is fine. I just forgot to call you when I landed.” The truth was she felt incredibly guilty and she wasn’t even sure why. 

Things between them were civil. Maybe a little better than civil. They were on good terms. They were still a team. Just not in the way they had been the past twenty seven years. They were still figuring things out as they went. 

After six months of therapy and trying to work through their issues she had asked him for a divorce. And he had reluctantly agreed, not wanting to hurt her any more than he already had. He just wanted her to be happy. Even if that meant eventually letting her go. 

tbc….


	3. Chapter 3

When We Were Young

Reese was in absolute awe of her. Campaigning came naturally for her, she was full of energy and passion. And people flocked to her candor and her warm smile. It was their last event together and he wasn’t completely sure he was ready to let her go just yet. It had been a wonderful two days. They had reconnected in a way that neither one of them had anticipated. 

He watched from the doorway as she packed her things. “I can’t thank you enough.” he told her. “I really think you helped give my campaign the push it needed.”

“Well you can thank me when you win.” she zipped up her suitcase. “I’ll come back and give you your oath of office.”

He made his way inside the guest room. “I’d like that.” he said. “Kind of bring us full circle.”

“I’m glad I came.” she told him. “I think this is exactly what I needed.”

Reese knew that things had been rough for the First Family, especially her, but he didn’t want to bring it up. He didn’t want to upset her, but the look in her eyes almost pleaded for comfort. They didn’t need to say the words. He pulled her into his arms and after a few moments she began to relax into his embrace. It was amazing how in his arms she was seventeen again. The weight of the world was lifted off her shoulders. Just like it used to be with Bill. 

“A day at a time.” he whispered to her. “And then before you know it you find normalcy again.”

She felt so comfortable with him. He gave her a sense of calmness and security that she couldn’t explain. “I’ve asked for a divorce.” she stayed in his arms. “I just…can’t anymore.”  
“Any marriage that can be saved should be saved.”

“I used to believe that too.” she pulled back to look at him. “With Chelsea in college and being more than halfway through his term I just want a fresh start.”

“You deserve to be happy, Hillary.” he said, softly. “We all deserve to be happy.”

She tried to push down her emotions the very best she could. “Thank you.” she said, simply. “I really do need to get going.”

He released her from his arms. “Of course I know you have plenty of responsibilities in D.C.”

“And soon you will too.”

“You know, I’m going to hold you to giving me the oath of office.”

Hillary smiled. “I would be terribly disappointed if you didn’t.”

He picked her suitcase up from off the end of the bed. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come to the airport with you?”

“I’m positive.” she leaned in and kissed his cheek. “I’ll see you in January. You can pick me up from the airport then.”

“Careful.” it was something he always used to say to her whenever she left him. 

“Always.” she was surprised how easily the word tumbled out. 

/////

Hillary sat down on the edge of the bed and removed her shoes. She had tried the entire flight to get her thoughts together. to sort out what she was or wasn’t feeling for a man she hadn’t seen in decades. And despite their time apart it hadn’t changed the way he made her feel when she was in his presence. 

Bill knocked on the open bedroom door. “How was your flight?”

She looked up at him, surprised to see him. “Fine.” she replied. “I thought you were in a meeting?”

“We pushed some things back until tomorrow morning.” he made his way inside the bedroom they used to share. “I thought we could have some dinner and talk about your trip.”

She nodded. “I’d like that.”

Bill smiled. Of course he wouldn’t tell her how angry he was when he saw the pictures of her and Governor Van Maar on the campaign trail. How seeing how seeing them hug and hold hands and laugh together felt like he was being punched in the stomach. Sure those were all uniting campaign maneuvers, but he still didn’t like it. But he would never voice that to her. The thought of upsetting her was an idea he wouldn’t even begin to entertain.

Dinner was nice and leisure. They were beginning to find a happy medium. Sure they still had the occasional blow-up, but they were doing the very best they could to make the situation work. 

He topped off her glass of wine. “You think Van Maar will win?”

“Yes.” she replied. “His campaign strategy is solid. He’s been accomplished a lot as Governor. He connects very well with the people.”

“And having the First Lady by his side certainly didn’t hurt things.”

Instead of looking for an underlying tone she simple kept her cool. She took a long drink of wine before sitting her half empty glass back down on the table. “It is my home state.” she told him. “And I got to reconnect with some people I haven’t seen in years.”

“I’m happy that you had a good time.” he placed his napkin on his plate. “Are you planning on going back?”

“I told him I would come back when he’s sworn in.”

“That confident in him?”

“Incredibly.” she replied. “Are we going to Martha’s Vineyard for the holiday?”

Bill took a sip of his wine. “Chelsea is going to meet us there.” he told her. “Apparently she’s bringing a friend.”

Hillary arched an eyebrow. “A friend?” 

“Yes.” he replied. “Taylor.”

“Taylor is a boy, Bill.”

He nearly choked on his wine. “What?”

“Taylor Andrews is a boy.” she tried not to smile at his sudden paranoia when it came to their baby girl. 

“Boyfriend?”

Hillary shrugged. “Seems to be heading that way.”

“I don’t know if I like this.” he sighed. “She’s too young.”

“She’s older than I was….” she trailed off, wanting to drop the subject. 

“When what?” he challenged. “Go ahead and finish your sentence.”

Her eyes locked with his. “When I had my first boyfriend.”

“Reese Van Maar.”

“Yes, he was my first serious boyfriend.”

God, he hoped that smoke wasn’t coming out of his ears. “For a man that you haven’t seen in thirty years you sure have a lot of memories of him popping up.”

Hillary finished her glass of wine and sat the empty glass back on the table. It was best not to engage him. She got up from the table and picked up their dinner plates. “Want to watch a movie?”

“Sure.” he replied. “Something comical.”

“I’m not watching the Jerk again, Bill.” she turned on the water to rinse the dishes. 

“Weekend at Bernie’s?”

“God, no.” she replied, placing their plates in the dishwasher. “Makes me think of Congressman Sanders.”

Bill laughed. “Okay, you pick.”

She picked the movie and snuggled up on the sofa. Bill sat on the opposite end, stretching his legs out on the coffee table. 

“Leave it to you to pick something sappy.”

She nudged him with her foot. “You can’t judge something you’ve never seen before.” she told him. “You may end up loving it.”

He pulled her foot into his lap and began to massage it. “Doubt it.”

By the time the credits were rolling the screen was watching them. They were both sound asleep. His arms wrapped around her, her head resting on his chest. Just the way it was always supposed to be.

/////

The sun was starting to come up, the soft light filtering in between the curtains in the living room. Hillary stirred a little, but the promise of more sleep was too alluring for her to actually open her eyes.

Bill had been watching her since daybreak. They were wrapped up in a throw, her snuggled tightly against him. It was the best night’s sleep he had in a very long time. He didn’t want to move, he wanted to stay in the moment for as long as he possibly could. 

She had fallen asleep in his arms and the very last thing he wanted to do was wake her. Partially because he was scared of what her reaction would be to waking up with him. He had hurt her so much and he knew that she struggled with her decision to stay with him until the end of his term.

He knew that eventually he would have to let her go. When she woke up and when his presidency came to an end. 

Hillary stirred again, this time her eyes fluttered open. It took her a moment to take in her surrounds. She lifted her head and looked up to find her husband smiling down at her.   
He brushed stray locks of hair out of the way. “Good morning.”

“Umm.” she hummed. “What time is it?”

“I have no idea.” The fact that she wasn’t squirming out of his embrace gave him some sort of inflated hope. “I’m not wearing my watch.”

She starting to sit up but his arms wrapped around her prevented her from getting very far. “I should get up.”

“Just stay here with me for a little while longer.”

She wanted to give in, she wanted to say yes, but she just couldn’t. She pushed herself up, untangling herself from him. “I have a lot of work to catch up on.”

Bill nodded. “Breakfast?” he asked. “One of my famous omelets?”

“Thank you, but I really need to get down to my office.” she got up from the sofa. “I have some things I really need to catch up on.”

Hillary made her way into the master bedroom and closed the door behind her. When she was safely out of his sight the tears started to fall. She could not get drawn back in not when the wounds were still so fresh. 

tbc…


	4. Chapter 4

When We Were Young

Election night was always exhilarating. Emotions were incredibly high, everyone was running on adrenaline. Reese glanced across the room to see her engaging with one of his campaign staff. Her demeanor was calm and collective. Something he absolutely envied at the moment. The votes had started rolling in and while he was ahead there was still a knot in his stomach. He knew how quickly his lead could change. He had seen it happen numerous times. 

Hillary handed him her tumbler of scotch. “Looks like you need this more than I do.”

He graciously accepted it from her hand. “Thank you.” he drank it down in one gulp. “Are you always this calm?”

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” she quoted to him. “There’s a lesson in everything. The key is never giving up.”

He smiled at her. “Beautiful words.” he said. “My heart is still in my throat.”

“Relax, Governor.” she said, softly. “You’re going to win.”

“And how do you know that?”

“Gut feeling.” she replied. “Why don’t we go for a walk in the gardens?” she suggested. “Fresh air will do you some good.”

It was unseasonably warm for November. They made their way through the French doors and out onto the patio. He reached for her hand. “Can I make a confession?” They stopped mid-walk and she turned to face him. “I didn’t think you’d come.” he told her. “I had hoped but…”

“I wanted to.” she said. “I enjoyed our last visit.”

“So did I.” he admitted. “Being with you brought back a lot of memories that I had kind of pushed to the back of my mind. Things I haven’t thought about in years.”

“It’s funny how seeing someone all over again can spark memories.”

“What are you really doing here, Hillary?”

“I’m not sure.” she admitted. “I wanted to come back to try and prove something to myself, but the more time I spend with you the more questions I have.”

“Do you think we’re just trying to recapture the past?”

“Maybe.” she shrugged. “Probably.”

“I’ve found that the older I get the more reckless I become.” he closed in the space between them. “I don’t want to mess up our friendship.”

“Are we friends?”

“Aren’t we?” he asked. “I’d like to be.”

“And you’re content with that?” she asked.

Reese placed his hands on her waist. “You still make my heart race, Hillary Rodham. I don’t think that will ever change.”

Hillary groaned. “Dammit, Reese.” she swore. She found herself moving in closer to him, her hands smoothing down the lapels of his suit jacket. 

He used his fingertips to tilt her chin up, brown orbs seeking out blue. “Then tell me that this is wrong.” his lips moved closer to hers. “Tell me to stop.”  
Her lips parted but no words came out. They were so close that she could feel his warm breath on her face. Her heart pounded in her chest. 

“Governor Van Maar.” an aide’s voice interrupted. “Delafield has called to concede, sir.”

Hillary closed her eyes and exhaled. Reese rested his forehead against hers. They pulled back from each other. “Thank you Andy.” he said. “Give me just a few moments.”

“Congratulations, Senator.” she told him. “Take the call.”

Reese reluctantly moved away from her. He stopped in front of Andy. “You didn’t see anything.”

He nodded at his boss. “Not a thing.”

/////

The party was over. All except for the cleanup. Everything Reese had worked so hard for over the past year had paid off. He undid his tie and stripped himself of his suit jacket, throwing it over a chair. “One last toast?” 

Hillary sat down on the sofa. “Absolutely.” 

He picked up several empty bottles of champagne before he found one that was about half full. He made his way over to the sofa and sat down beside her. “To great campaigns.” he took a swig out of the bottle and handed it over to her. 

She took a drink. “And great politicians.”

“Did you ever think we’d make it this far?”

“I had hoped.” she took another swig of champagne. “Maybe you’ll be President one day.”

He reached for the bottle. “You could be First Lady twice.”

Hillary laughed. “I’ve been First Lady twice.”

“Okay four times then.” 

“Maybe I could just be President.”

“You’d make a damn good one.” he took another drink. “To Madam President.”

She took the bottle from his hand. “I’ll definitely drink to that.”

One of the Secret Service Agents made his way into the living room. “Mrs. Clinton.” he greeted her. “We need to leave for the airport soon, ma’am.”

“Thank you, Julian.” she dismissed him. 

Reese looked over at her. “Curfew?”

“My carriage turns into a pumpkin and my dress into rags.” 

He took her hand in his. “I’m glad you were here with me tonight.”

“Me too.”

Reese caressed the back of her hand with his thumb. “Can I see you again?”

“I’d like that.” she smiled. “Walk me to the door?”

“Of course.” he stood up, taking both her hands in his and pulling her to her feet. “I have one request first.”

“Oh?” she arched her eyebrow. “What’s that?”

He leaned in, his lips capturing her bottom lip between his and then promptly releasing it. “Careful.”

“Always.” she whispered. 

/////

Hillary made her way into the residence, heading down the hall and toward the master bedroom. Bill came out from the kitchen. “Congratulations.”

She looked up to see him leaning against the doorjamb, holding a glass of liquor in his hand. She made her way over to him, pressing a chaste kiss against his cheek. “I’m surprised you’re still up.”

“I thought we could talk.”

“About what?”

“About you and Governor, excuse me, Senator Van Maar.” he studied the look on her face. “Ah, so there is something.”

She backed away from him. “I’m tired.” she told him. “I think I’ll head to bed.”

He grabbed her by the wrist. “I want to know what’s going on between the two of you.”

“Nothing.”

Oh how he hated being patronized. “Nothing?” he sat his tumbler on the nearby table. “You flew out to spend the evening with him and you come back here at nearly one in the morning and nothing is going on?”

Hillary twisted her wrist out of his grasp. “That’s what I said, isn’t it?”

His eyes searched hers. “Are you sleeping with him?”

“Not that it’s any of your business but no, I’m not.” she snapped at him. 

There was something there. He could see it in her eyes. “Do you have feelings for him?”

She didn’t answer and dropped her head to avoid looking at him.

“Look at me!” his words came out rougher and more demanding that he intended. He cupped her face in his hands and found tears in her eyes. “Do you feel something for Reese?”

“Yes.” it came out as a whisper. The tears she had been holding in started to fall and the closed her eyes tightly. The warmth of his hands left her face. Her heart grew heavier. 

“I see.” he picked up his glass off the side table. 

“Bill, I’m sorry.” she apologized. “I don’t want to hurt you but I don’t want to lie to you either.”

He devoured the contents of his glass. “Don’t apologize.”

“I didn’t go looking for this.”

“I know that.” he said. “It doesn’t make It any easier to accept though.”

“Would you have preferred that I lied?” she asked him, pointedly. “Snuck around behind your back?”

“I know that I messed up. I know that I destroyed our marriage.” he told her. “And I know that I deserve all of this.”

Hillary shook her head. “I’m not doing this to punish you, Bill.” she moved closer to him. “Really, I’m not. This has caught me off guard.”

He was silent for several long moments. “You need to figure this out, Hillary.” he told her "You owe it to yourself to find out if there's something between the two of you.” he leaned in and kissed her cheek. “I want you to be happy.” His words almost killed him. He left her quickly, not wanting to breakdown in front of her. 

And her tears started to fall all over again. She couldn’t believe that this was where they were. That their marriage had completely fallen apart.

tbc…


	5. Chapter 5

When We Were Young

 

It had been almost two months since she had visited Reese. He still consumed her thoughts. She was never one for what-ifs, but she found herself wondering what could be. She found that she craved not only his company but his touch. The simple brush of his hand on her back, the way he smiled at her, the youth he brought back into her life. 

Hillary waited outside with one of her agents whilst the other one swept through Reese’s suite. Julian came back out and allowed her to enter. 

“Well that kind of takes the element of surprise out of things.” he said, referring to her agents. 

“Maybe out of the beginning.” she said. “Besides surprises are overrated, Senator.”

Reese moved closer to her. “You think so?”

“Mmm.” she sighed. “The middle is always the best part.” 

She slid her coat off, revealing a stunning plum colored gown, the neckline was a modest vee, elaborate silver beading wrapped around the bodice, and the silk that flowed off her hips was exquisite.

“Wow!” his hands reached out for her, settling heavy on her hips. “You look absolutely gorgeous.”

“Thank you.” she smiled. “You’re not half bad yourself but you seem to need a little tweaking.”

He gave her a questioning look.

“Your bowtie is undone.”

“Ahh, that!” he replied. “I’m too nervous to get the damn thing tied.”

She chuckled softly. “Would you like some assistance?”

“If you would be so kind.”

Hillary had the bow tied in mere seconds. “Perfect.” she straightened it. “Very handsome.”

“How can I possibly repay you?”

She arched a well-defined eyebrow. “I can think of a few things.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah.” she inched closer to him, her eyes falling on his mouth. Her lips parted and he closed in the distance between them. Her open mouth softly met his. Once. Twice. Thrice. Slow and deliberate and delicate.

She pulled back from him, lips tingling, heart thumping. She was curious of this move would cure her or condemn her. But she found that she was still caught in between. A devastating limbo.

His hand caressed her hip through the silk. “We should probably go before this goes any further.”

“I think that would be wise.”

/////

The President and the First Lady started the first dance of the evening. He found that he held her a little closer, a little tighter. “I love this dress on you.” his warm breath danced over her exposed skin. She fought the urge to shiver, to be drawn in, to be seduced by him. 

His hand pressed into the small of her back, pulling her even tighter against him. This was the closet their bodies had been in forever. “Did you choose this dress for him?” he whispered. “Or to punish me?”

Hillary’s eyes snapped up to meet his. “Both.”

A sly smile slid across his lips. “So you do care.”

Why was it suddenly so hot? Her body was betraying her mind. “I don’t know what kind of game you’re playing, Bill.”

“No game.” his eyes twinkled. “Just an observation.”

“You’re wrong.”

He leaned in, placing an open mouthed kiss against her neck. She fought the urge to gasp. “If it’s so easy for you to leave me then you should just go.” he told her. “Go back to his hotel with him tonight…”

Hillary looked at him, wide-eyed. “Is that permission?”

“Do you need permission?” he countered. “You want a divorce, you’re no longer bound to me.”

“And if there is something there between us?”

“If there’s really something there and you love him then I won’t hold you to our agreement.” he told her. “I’ll grant you the divorce now and you’ll be free to be with him publicly.” 

“That’s really what you want?”

“I want you to be happy.” he told her. “And he makes you happy, doesn’t he, Hillary?”

She knew why he picked this time to confront her. He knew that as much as she wanted to she wouldn’t pull from his embrace and storm off. “Why are you doing this to me?” her eyes blinking back tears. 

“I’m trying to help you.”

“You’re hurting me.” her voice cracked. 

“No.” he argued. “I’ve hurt you enough, I’m trying to heal you.”

The music changed and she took the opportunity to step back away from him, out of his grasp. “Excuse me.” She made her way out of the room and toward the private bathroom down the hall. As she went to close the door, a hand stopped her. She looked around to see Nancy Pelosi closing and locking the bathroom door behind them. 

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on?”

Hillary turned around to face her, eyes glazed over with tears she was silently threatening to fall. 

“Oh, darling.” she pulled her friend into her arms. “Does this have anything to do with a certain Senator?”

She pulled back to look at her friend. “You know?”

“I suspected, but don’t worry there’s no gossip.” she assured her. “Just looks like politics as usual.”

“Well, it’s not politics as usual.” she confessed.

Nancy leaned up against the vanity. “Bill knows?”

“I’ve been completely honest with him.”

“That’s generous.” she replied. “More than he did for you.”

“This isn’t driven by jealously, Nancy.”

“That much I can see.” she told her friend. “You have feelings for Reese.”

Hillary played with her wedding rings. “God, help me, I do. Every time I’m with him they get stronger.”

“Are you having sex with him?”

She shook her head. “I haven’t.” she replied. “It doesn’t feel right, I mean, Bill and I are still married. And I don’t think I can do that to him. Despite everything that’s happened I still love him. I just don’t want to give him the chance to hurt me again.”

“You have to do what’s best for you, Hillary.” Nancy told her. “I know how much you love Bill but I also know how badly he hurt you, but if you want to be with him then you should be with him, not just holding up this political charade. And if Reese makes you happy and you want to make the leap and be with him then you should.”

“I wish it were that easy.” 

“It is that easy, darling.” she told her. “I think deep down you know exactly what you want you’re just afraid to admit it to yourself.”

Hillary sighed. “I seem to be afraid of a lot of things these days.”

Nancy shook her head. “Where’s the Hillary that knows what she wants and goes after it? The one who fights with everything she has? The one who continually gets back up after she’s knocked down?”

“She’s been defeated.”

“Never.” she disagreed. “She’s in there, you just have to let her out.”

tbc….


	6. Chapter 6

When We Were Young

 

Bill watched from the Yellow Oval as one of the Secret Service agents opened the SUV door for the First Lady. His eyes watched every move she made until the agent shut the door and climbed into the front passengers seat. His eyes followed the vehicle until the only thing he could see was the fading of the lights as they rounded the corner.

He knew that his hopes of saving his marriage was hanging by a thread. And that it was either going to be severed or mended sooner rather than later. The hardest part would be the waiting. The decision was all in Hillary’s hands.

The scandal had taken an emotional and stressful toll on her. And the only thing he wanted to do was ease her pain. When she asked for an a divorce he reluctantly agreed. He thought it was the best way to help her heal. But watching her struggle day in and day out was beginning to be just too much for him to bear. He was willing to let her go. But practically pushing her into Reese Van Maar’s arms wasn’t an option.

He loved her. He loved her more than life itself. There was nothing more he wanted than to heal the divide between him. He just wasn’t sure where to start. Or how.

/////

When they arrived at Reese’s suite they waited outside while Secret Service made a quick sweep of the rooms and then let them inside. He helped her out of her coat and then removed his, throwing them both over the back of a chair.

“Did you have a good time?” she asked him.

“Not too bad.” he replied. “Although I do have one complaint.”

Hillary arched an eyebrow. “What’s that?”

“I didn’t get a chance to dance with you.”

“Well we can probably remedy that.” she headed toward the bedroom.

“Where you are going?”

“There’s a radio on the alarm clock.” she called back. “We can’t dance without music.” she began to search for a station.

_They were on the beach in Fiji. He held her incredibly close to him. Him in swimming trunks, her in a red bikini. He had pulled her to her feet, demanding that they dance._

_“But, darling, there’s no music.”_

_Bill smiled radiantly. “We’ll make our own.”_

Hillary shook off her thoughts of Bill and found a classical station. She made her way back into the living room.

He extended his hand to her. “May I have this dance?” Hillary placed her hand in his and he drew her into his arms. The soft music overtook them, filling the suite. At first they waltzed around the spacious room, laughing and talking. But now they were just swaying to the music, her head resting on his chest. “You know this is much better than dancing at the ball.”

“Why is that?” she tilted her head up to look at him.

Reese lowered his head and the distance between them evaporated. His lips grazed over hers, his tongue danced over her bottom lip seeking entry. Her mouth opened, her tongue touched against his and it ignited something she knew she would have to battle to extinguish.

At first the kisses between them were soft and sensual and seductive, but they gradually became hotter and heavier. His hands tangled in her hair, pulling her impossibly closer. She found herself pressed tightly against him, her arms wrapped around him. Finally out of need for air they broke completely apart.

He looked at her, her lips red and swollen. Rhett Butler came to mind. Telling Scarlett O’Hara that she should be kissed and kissed often and by someone who knew how. “Have I told you how incredibly beautiful you look tonight?”

“Oh, at least three times.”

“It’s true you know.” he told her. “You’re even more beautiful now than you were at seventeen.” he moved across the room. “Wine?”

“Please.” she replied. “Do you remember that night you snuck in through my bedroom window?”

Reese laughed. “Which time?”

“The time right before I left for Wellesley.” she clarified. “We drank an entire bottle of champagne and you read me poetry.”

“And made some up.”

She sat down on the sofa. “You couldn’t rhyme.”

“I was doing free verse, not sonnets.” Hillary laughed softly.

“You were so handsome laying there on that floral bedspread. The pink really brought out the brown in your eyes.”

He handed her a glass of wine and sat down beside her. “We had a lot of fun.”

“Indeed we did.” she took a sip. “I didn’t realize how much I missed you.”

Reese leaned in and kissed her. “We can make up for lost time.”

“I think I would like that.” her lips met his again. Within moments their kiss grew fierce and fiery. His hands skimmed down to her waist, pulling her toward him. The forgotten glass of wine spilt in her lap and she quickly pulled away. “Damn.”

He was up and heading toward the bathroom. “Let me get a towel.” he came back out. “Here.”

“Thank you.” Hillary blotted at the wine, soaking most of it up with the towel. She stood up, wiping at the silk.

“Why don’t you take it off and I’ll send it to have it cleaned.” he told her. “I’ll get you something to wear.”

“Excellent idea.” she turned her back towards him, silently asking him to unzip her. He complied, slowly sliding the zipper down. “Thank you.”

Hillary made her way through the bedroom into the bathroom and slipped the dress off. The spilt wine was a sobering experience. On a few different levels. Things had seemed to heat up very quickly between them and it wasn’t at all what she intended. Maybe it was Bill’s words replaying in her head. Maybe she was just trying to prove a point to herself. Maybe this was what she really wanted.

He knocked softly on the door and she cracked it open, handing him her dress and him a shirt in return. She exited the bathroom, his shirt hitting her just above mid-thigh. “Very sexy.” he smiled.

“More so than the dress?”

“Mmm.” he sighed. “Sexy in a different way.”

They engaged in another languid kiss. She pulled back from him and bit at her bottom lip.

“Too much?” he questioned.

“Too soon.” she clarified. “I can’t stay here with you tonight, Reese.”

“I know that.” he said. “And I understand.”

“I’m not even sure where this is going.”

“Where do you want it to go?”

Hillary shrugged slightly. “I’m not sure.” she admitted. “I thought we were just having fun but now I don’t know. Where do you want it to go?”

“Honestly, I’m not sure either.” he admitted. “I was willing to just let this play out but I think we need to figure out what we want out of this before things go any further.”

She nodded her agreement. “I don’t want anyone to get hurt.” she said. “Again.”

/////

Nancy pulled at the belt on her robe. “You sure know how to make an entrance.” she said, closing the door behind the First Lady.

“Sorry, you know how they are.” she said, referring to the agents. “I need help.”

“Obviously.”

“I need something to wear.”

Her friend arched an eyebrow. “Why?”

Hillary unbuttoned her coat, revealing a man’s shirt. Not just any man’s shirt, Reese Van Maar’s shirt.

“Oh my.” she breathed out, a smile spreading across her face. “What happened to your dress?”

“Oh, Nancy!” she sighed. “I spilt wine on it.”

“Sure you did.”

“I did.” she insisted. “I sent it out to be cleaned.”

She just shook her head. “You’re so lucky to have me. The press would be having a fucking field day right now.”

“Yes, I’m incredibly lucky, I can’t tell you how lucky.” she waxed. “I cannot go home like this, Nancy.”

“Come on.” she took her by the hand and headed for the stairs. “You know Bill will find it odd either way.”

“Better your shirt than Reese’s.”

Once they were upstairs Hillary changed in a pair of soft pajamas. “I cannot thank you enough.”

“No thanks necessary.” she replied from her position on the unmade bed. “What are you going to tell Bill?”

“Hopefully nothing.” she laid down on her stomach across the bed next to her. “Going home in Reese’s shirt just wasn’t an option. I would never do that to Bill no matter how angry I was at him or how I felt about Reese.”

“How do you feel about Reese?”

“He’s a breath of fresh air.” she told her. “When I’m with him the world just kind of melts away. It’s like when we were young.”

Nancy nodded her understanding. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Are you sure you’re just not trying to recapture your youth?”

“Like a midlife crisis?”

“Perhaps.” she replied. “Reese seems to represent an easier time in your life. Carefree and happy.”

God, those were the words and the ideas she had been fighting down ever since she had reconnected with him. But he made her feel so alive, so youthful, and that wasn’t a feel she wanted to let go. “It’s crossed my mind.” she admitted. “But I think it’s more to it than that.”

“Of course there is. He was just first love and your first loss.” she told her. “That always holds a special place in our hearts. And given the chance I think most of us would jump at the chance to reconnect if it were possible.”

“Reese and I have decided not to let things go any further until we figure out where we want this to go.”

“I think that’s wise.”

“You think this is just a passing fling, don’t you?”

“Honestly?” she asked and Hillary nodded. “You came here to change because you didn’t want to go home in Reese’s shirt. You probably won’t even see Bill but it hasn’t stopped you from going out of your way not to hurt him. I think the two of you need to spend some time together. And quality time, Hils, not horizontal time.”

////

Bill had fallen asleep on the sofa in the west hall. His tuxedo jacket thrown over the back of a chair, his bowtie on the floor. His shirt was untucked and unbuttoned but he couldn’t be bothered to finish undressing or move to his bedroom. The promise of sleep overruled everything.

Hillary made her way through the residence and into the master bedroom, it was when she turned on the light to enter that she noticed Bill asleep on the sofa. She walked the few steps over to where he slept and watched the steady rise and fall of his chest. She spotted his bowtie on the floor and bent down to retrieve it.

His hand caught hers as she stood up. “You came home.”

She knelt down by the sofa next to him. “Of course I did.” she replied. “Did you have any doubt that I wouldn’t?”

“I wasn’t sure.” he admitted. “But I’m glad you did.”

Nancy’s words kept echoing in her ears and she knew that her friend was right. She and Bill did need time alone together. It would help her make a decision once and for all. “I want to go to Camp David.”

“I’ll make the arrangements for you.”

“No.”

“No?” Bill questioned.

“I want us to go together.” she clarified. “You and me.”

tbc…..


	7. Chapter 7

When We Were Young

 

It was a warmer day for January, if you considered forty-three degrees warm. They had ice skated, well she ice skated ever so gracefully. And he kind of bumbled around. They had even went for a short, private, hike before retiring back to the cabin. He had dinner and a movie all planned out for them for the evening but it was only the middle of the afternoon. He made sure not to jam-pack their entire weekend. He wanted spontaneity and fun.

Hillary was sitting on the rug in front of the fire trying to warm up when Bill approached with two steaming mugs. She graciously accepted one as he sat down beside her.   
“My favorite.” she said, referring to the hot cocoa. It was rich and creamy, covered in whipped cream and chocolate shavings, the rim of the mug coated in sugar. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” 

She took a sip and then sat it on the stonework of the fireplace in front of her. “We need to work on your ice skating skills.”

“I think I did pretty well today.”

“I wasn’t entirely convinced we weren’t going to end up at the Emergency Room.” she smirked. “Maybe we can try again tomorrow.”

“Under one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“Not as much laughing as you and most of the Secret Service did today.”

Hillary pretended to think about it. “I don’t know, it was good entertainment.”

He smiled, so thrilled to see her happy. Thrilled that they were talking and getting along. “If you think you’re so fantastic, perhaps you could hold my hands the whole time and skate backward. At least until I get my balance.”

“Is that a challenge?” 

“Depends.” he took a sip of his cocoa and then sat it next to hers. “Perhaps it’s a dare.”

Her eyes lit up. “Lucky for you I’m up for both.”

“I’m holding you to that.” he told her. “Ten o’clock in the morning you and I are going to be back out on that pond.” He was so incredibly handsome, still holding on to that boyish charm. 

“You fix me one of those famous omelets for breakfast and we have a deal.”

He smiled, reaching out to touch her face. “It’s a deal.”

She reached for his hand, holding it between both of hers. “Thanks for coming here with me.”

“Absolutely.” he kissed her hand. “I’ve missed this so much.”

“Me too.” she admitted softly. 

/////

A fresh snowfall covered the ground. Almost six inches had accumulated overnight and it was still falling. The plans for ice skating still held, the President and the First Lady headed out to the pond for his lesson. Hillary fell a few steps behind where they were walking together to talk to a Secret Service agent.

Bill kept walking until he felt something cold hit him on the shoulder. He turned around to find his wife laughing. “Oh, it’s like that, is it?” he reached down and scooped up a handful of snow, packing it in his hand. 

“You wouldn’t!” 

“Wouldn’t I?” Bill launched the snowball in her direction but she ducked and he hit the agent behind her. “Sorry, Hayes.”

“Quite alright, Mr. President.”

Hillary used the opportunity to throw another snowball, hitting him in the side. Bill reached out for her. “You’re not playing fair!”

She pulled back from him, walking backward. “You’re bigger than me.”

“You throw better than I do.”

She laughed as she plotted her next move. Before she could act on her thoughts he had picked her up off the ground, throwing her over his shoulder to much protesting between laughter.

“Bill!” she said. “What are you doing?”

“You promised me ice skating lessons.” he trekked toward the rink. “Not a snowball war.”

“That wasn’t war.” she argued. “Just a small battle.”

Once they got to their destination he carefully lowered her to the ground. “Looks like I won.”

She smirked at him. “This is far from over, Mr. President.”

“We’ll see about that.”

“Paybacks are hell.”

He winked at her. “Do your worst.”

The agent that had been carrying their skates sat them down on the bench. “Thank you, Hayes.” Hillary said as she sat down, reaching for her skates. “Be a good boy and put on your skates, William.”

He gave her a sly smile as he sat down beside her. Oh how he had missed this playful side of her. “After my lesson maybe we can have a rematch.”

“We’ll see.”

This time he was determined to get the hang of ice skating. Chelsea had taught him to rollerblade and the concept was basically the same. Minus the ice of course. Hillary took his hands in hers and gave him some basic instructions. He followed them the very best he could. 

“You know I have no idea how you became President.”

“Why’s that, love?”

“You don’t seem to know your left from your right.”

“I thought you meant your left.”

“Had I meant my left I would have say my left.”

He skated along, her basically pulling him along. He felt rather confident. So sure that he could skate along beside her. “Okay, I think I’m ready.”

“You sure?”

“Yes.” he replied, skating a little ways without her. 

“That’s excellent.” she praised him.

He looked back at her very proud of himself. 

“Pay attention to what you’re doing, Bill.”

“I am, I am.” 

He started to slip and she reached out to steady him. He tumbled to the ground and she fell with him, landing on top of him. “I told you to pay attention.”

“I was.” he smiled. “I was completely focused on you.”

Her eyes absolutely sparkled. “Perhaps that was the problem.”

Agent Dallas moved to assist them but Hayes held his hand out discouraging him from stepping in. “They’re fine.” he said. “Let them be.”

Bill brushed her hair back out of her face. Slowly easing in until his lips were a breath away from hers. “May I?”

Hillary closed the distance between them, tentatively kissing his bottom lip. His hands cupped her face. And he moved to draw her top lip between his, kissing her oh so softly. He repeated this action several times, his lips caressing hers. 

tbc…


	8. Chapter 8

When We Were Young

 

They came in from the weather cold and were absolutely soaked from their snowball war. They had even managed to get some of the Secret Service to partake in their battle. Team Hillary was proclaimed the winner. They stripped off their outerwear and made a mad dash for the fireplace. 

Bill pulled his damp sweater over his head and dropped it to the floor. “I’m still trying to figure out how you out maneuvered me on that last round.” 

“You’re easily distracted.” she quickly removed her top as well and then her pants. “That’s probably not something you want the American people to know.”

His eyes slid over her body, she was only in her panties and bra, a site that he hadn’t had the privilege of viewing for over a year. He tried not to gawk, but she had served up this volley and he was more than appreciative. 

“It’s not polite to stare.” She reached for a blanket off the nearest chair, wrapping herself in it before settling down in front of the fire. 

“I wasn’t staring, I was appreciating the view.” Bill finished undressing until he was down to his boxers. 

“Come here.” She opened the blanket open for him to join her. 

He was momentarily stunned by her offer but quickly recovered. He lowered himself to the floor next to her. “Did you have a good time?” a smiled played on his lips. 

“I did.” she wrapped one side the blanket around him. “I have the utmost confidence in Hayes. The way he moved to take that last snowball you threw at me was incredibly skillful.”

Bill laughed. “I’m not sure Dallas feels the same way about you, you hit him pretty hard in the gut.”

“I apologized.” she seemed to be gravitating closer to him, seeking out his warmth. “And he recovered quickly.”

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders, drawing her closer to him. He wanted so badly to touch her, but he would settle for having her in his arms, her body slightly touching against his. “Mmm.” he hummed. “You might want to bake him some cookies or something.”

She laughed. “My cookies would do more harm than my snowball.”

“I’ve had a wonderful time today.”

She leaned over, softly kissing the corner of his mouth. “Me too.”

“It was certainly full of surprises.” he said, nuzzling his nose against hers. “I think we should stay here until Spring.”

“I think we would be missed.” she pulled back from him. “At least I would.”

He chuckled. “Then I’ll settle with spending as much time with you the next two days as I possibly can.”

“I hope that includes you making me lunch.”

“Lunch?” he arched an eyebrow. “I already made you breakfast.”

“That was hours ago.”

“Do you have a request?”

Hillary thought about it for a moment. “Something Italian.”

“I think I can manage that.” He started to pull away from her. 

“Where are you going?”

“I thought you wanted lunch?”

She snuggled closer to him. “Not yet.” she told him. “I’m still cold.”

/////

They were relaxed and settling into a more comfortable atmosphere. After dinner they danced for a while to some old vinyl’s he picked out at the record player before settling down on the plush sofa to relax. He reached out for her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers. “Tell me about Reese.” 

Hillary looked over at him. “What?”

“I want to know about Reese.”

Things had been going so well. “Bill.” she sighed. “Why?”

He pushed a lock of hair back away from her face. “I’m curious.” he replied, honestly. “The two of you have had something going for a few months and I just wanted to know how deep it goes.” 

Her eyes met his. “Bill, we haven’t…” she trailed off. “I haven’t been to bed with him.”

“So, it’s all innocent?”

She thought about it. “Well, no, not completely innocent.”

Suddenly his heart pounded in his chest. “Has he touched you?”

“No.” she replied, moving closer to him. “He’s not touched me, we’ve only kissed.”

The thought of her even kissing him made his blood boil. “Just kissed?” He knew he had no right to be possessive or even upset. 

“Yes.” she replied. “Things got a little heated in his hotel room after the gala but it didn’t go any further than kissing.”

“That was the first time?”

“No.” she admitted, freely. “He kissed me the night of the election.”

Jealousy clouded his judgement. This was harder than he thought it would be. But he knew that talking it out was the best thing to do. “What’s the attraction?”

“Being with him makes me feel good. It takes me back to a simpler time.” she told him. “Butterflies in my stomach, sweaty palms, kind of feeling.”

“A school girl crush?”

“Yeah, maybe.” she answered. “It could be more I guess.”

“Do you want it to be more?” he asked. This was perhaps the hardest question he had ever asked. “Can you see yourself with him?” That was the hardest question. 

“I can.” she replied. “But I think that it has a lot to do with our history.”

His eyes burnt into hers. “I think the real question is what do you want?” he questioned her. “Do you want to explore things with him? Really explore things with him?”

Hillary was curious as to where this was going. “If I said yes?”

“I’d let you go.” he said simply. “I want you to be happy, Hillary. And as much as I love you I would never force you to stay with me. Especially not for political reasons.”

Everything suddenly felt surreal. Her involvement with Reese. The fallout from his affair. Their crumbling marriage. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying if you want the divorce then it’s yours.”

Six months ago had he offered her a divorce right away she would have jumped at the chance. After he had told her the truth she wanted nothing more than to put as much distance between them as humanly possible. And now she wasn’t so sure. The past few days with him seemed to ignite something between them. Something she was so sure was dead and gone. 

The fact that she didn’t immediately have an answer gave him hope and her pause to contemplate the question. He didn’t want to push her, but he needed to know if he still even stood a chance. 

“Bill, I…” she trailed off. 

“I want you to take your time.” he told her. “You have to do what’s right for you. Just think about it. I’m going to head to bed.” He leaned in and kissed her cheek. “Goodnight.”  
Hillary watched as he got up off the sofa and headed out of the room. “Bill?”

He turned back around to look at her. “Hillary.”

She got up off the sofa and made her way over to him. “Being with you makes my blood rush. It’s something I’ve never experienced with anyone else.”

“Care to elaborate on that?”

It was a dare. 

They both knew that it was. 

tbc…


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking within a few chapters I could wrap this up. But then another idea struck me and so I'm going to explore that.

When We Were Young

As much as she wanted to seek him out, to throw herself into his arms, she couldn’t. She felt absolutely paralyzed by what would happen between them if she let her guard down. The wounds were healing nicely, the scabs were starting to fall off and only scars remained. Scars that reminded her just how deeply he had hurt her.

_Hillary slammed the bedroom door behind her. Bill opened it, came inside, and then slammed it behind him. An argument erupted over dinner. Things went from bad to worse. Emotions rose and tempers flared._

_“I want a divorce!” her voice cracked with anger and desperation_

_Bill was slightly taken aback by her confession. “What?” he felt as though the rug was pulled out from under him. “I know that I’ve messed up, more than once, but you’ve always been the one, Hillary. Always. I’m trying to conquer these demons, but I don’t know if I can do that if you give up on me.”_

_“What about me?” she asked. “Don’t I deserve to be happy, Bill?”_

_“Of course, you do.” he replied. “But dammit you’ve made mistakes too Hillary. Maybe not as stupid as I have, or as publicly as I have, but you’ve made them.”_

_“Don’t you dare compare what I’ve done to what you’ve done.” her tone was cold as ice. “You’ve put me through thirty years of lying and cheating and scandals.”_

_“And I’ve apologized.”_

_“Yes, you’ve apologized. Again, and again and again.” now she was flat out yelling. “But it doesn’t mean anything. Your behavior never changes. And I’m so sick of enabling you. I want to be as far away from you as possible!”_

_He reached out to touch her and she batted his hand away. “You don’t mean that, Hillary.” he said. “You’re just upset.” “I do mean it, William.” she said, firmly. “I just want out.” Hillary broke down in sobs, tears poured down her cheeks. He instinctively reached out for her, but she pulled away. “I can’t do this anymore, Bill.” she choked out. “I want a divorce!”_

_They had fought before over the whole Monica scandal. They both had said some things they wished they hadn’t. They had yelled and screamed and cried. And he stood stunned by not only her declaration but how quickly things had taken a turn. They had agreed to marriage counselling, to working things out._

_He reached out for her again, and this time, she let him pulled her into his arms. She sank into his embrace and he carefully maneuvered them until they were sitting on the floor. “I’m sorry.” he cried. “I’m so sorry I’ve done this to you, to us. I don’t deserve you, I never have.” he gently stroked her hair. “I’ve been so selfish. I thought the longer I held on to you the easier it would be for us. That you would forgive me. Now I realize that the only thing I’ve done is hurt you even more. And I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”_

_Hillary raised her head, her raw eyes mirroring his in return. “I just want it to stop hurting.”_

_“I don’t know what to do.” he told her. “I would do absolutely anything to make this right for you. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. I’ll give the divorce uncontested.”_

Hillary took a steadying breath. “I don’t think I can find the words to tell you how much I love you.” she choked back tears. “How much I love our life together, and how Chelsea is a shining example of that. These past several months I’ve worked really hard to get through all this and I’m just not sure where we go from here.” “I know that I’ve hurt you.” he said. “I’ve fucked up more times than I care to admit but I’m trying to get the help I need. I know that I don’t deserve you, I never did. I would do absolutely anything to make you stop hurting.”

“I know you would. I’ve never doubted that.” she replied. “I’m not giving up on you.” she said, firmly. “I can’t tell you how proud I am that you’re going through therapy and making amazing progress. I want you to come out of this on the other side stronger than ever.”

“Are you going to be on the other side waiting for me?”

“I’d like to be.”

“But you’re unsure.”

Hillary let out a shaky breath. “I cannot go through this again, Bill.” her voice quaked. “I won’t.”

“And you shouldn’t.” he replied. “You deserve so much better than I’ve given you. I could spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you and it would never be enough. I want you more than anything in the entire world, but I understand if you can’t stay.”

“This would be so much easier if I just hated you.” she confessed, in tears. “But I love you so much and nothing will ever change that.”

“I love you, too.” he whispered. “You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved.”

Hillary closed her eyes, trying to shut out his words. She knew they were true, she knew that she was his equal on every level. And she also knew that there was a very real possibility of him hurting her all over again.

He cupped her face in his hands. “Please don’t cry anymore.” he leaned in and kissed away the tears on each of her cheeks. “I’m not worthy of your tears.”

She opened her eyes to look at him. “Please don’t make me regret this, Bill.” her eyes were practically pleading with his.

“We’ll move slow.” he promised. “Like dating all over again.”

“We didn’t move all that slow when we were first together.”

Bill smiled. “No.” he agreed. “But we’re going to this time. And if you want to keep seeing Reese then I think that you should.”

“Reese?” she was surprised.

“If you don’t know where you stand with Reese then you should figure that out, Hillary.” he told her. “I’ve told you that from the beginning.”

She arched an eyebrow. “You’re really okay with it if I figure things out with Reese?”

Bill fought to swallow down his jealousy. “I want you, Hillary.” he told her. “All of you. In order for that to happen you have to make sure that this thing between you and the Senator is settled.”

“I’m not sure what to say, Bill.”

“Say that you’ll do whatever it takes to ensure your happiness.” That he was very serious about. He wanted her happiness more than anything in the world. But damn, he wanted her too.

“Darling?”

“Yes?”

“Kiss me goodnight?”

Bill slowly moved toward her, closing the distance between them. He cupped her face in his hands and his blue eyes locked with hers for a few moments, hoping to convey at least part of the love he felt for her. He dipped his head, his lips tentatively touched against hers. He released her lips and he placed a kiss onto her nose. “Goodnight, baby.” He walked away leaving her confused. It wasn’t quite what she had in mind when she asked for a goodnight kiss.

Bill walked out of the room praying that she would follow behind him.

 

tbc…


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken so long. I got lost on this one for a minute.

When We Were Young

 

Bill retreated toward the bedroom, leaving the door slightly ajar before walking toward the bed. He stopped at the foot and just waited. Hoping and praying that he wasn’t wrong. That he could still read the look in her eyes. Within seconds he had his answer.

Hillary debated for all of ten seconds before she went after him. She just couldn’t let him walk away from her. She pushed the bedroom door open to find him at the end of the bed, waiting for her. 

The space between them dissipated quickly. Once she was in arm’s length, he reached out to her, pulling her body flush against his. God, did he miss the feel of her body against his. He knew every curve, every scar, the space between her shoulder and neck that drove her wild. 

“I don’t want to give up on you.” her eyes searched his. “I want our marriage to work, I’m just scared.”

“I know.” he said, softly. “And I hate that I’ve made such a mess of things. That I’ve made you feel this way. I can say I’m sorry a million times but until you’re ready to except it we can’t move forward.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to Bill, it’s that I just can’t.” her voice cracked. “I haven’t made it that far yet.”

He gently cupped her face in his hands. “I don’t want to rush you.” he told her. “I’m willing to wait as long as it takes.”

Tears danced in her eyes. “Thank you.”

“I’m the one who should be thanking you.” he replied softly. “We both know that we wouldn’t be where we are in life if not for you and your determination.”

“We make an excellent team.” she smiled. “In good times and in bad.”

His lips softly brushed against hers. “I love you.” 

“I know you do.” she replied. “I’ve never doubted that.”

“I was hoping that you would follow me up here.” 

“I know you were.” her mouth inched closer to his. “I’m not sure I’m ready.” Their lips were only a breath apart. Her lips parted under his and he wasted no time in engaging them in the most sensual kiss. Long and slow and tender. 

Hayes stopped at the doorway. He hadn’t expected to find the two of them together. 

He had come to deliver important news, but when he saw the two of them wrapped up together the last thing he wanted to do was disturb them. He also knew the Clinton’s well enough to know there would never be a good time to interrupt an intimate moment. He had even been asked to wait outside the Oval as well as a limo taking them to a party and once he was thrown out of the green room during a state dinner. He knocked rather loudly on the open bedroom door. 

“Mr. President, Ma’am.”

“Seriously, Hayes?” Hillary turned to face the direction of the agent’s voice.

“Sorry ma’am.” he apologized. “There’s an urgent matter at the White House. We have to head back.”

Hours later when the situation was defused the President and the First Lady, both exhausted, retreated to separate bedrooms. Tomorrow would ed back to business as usual. 

//////

Hillary was going over the last bit of paperwork remaining on the conference table. Her staff was long gone, but she wanted to finish up. She knew she wouldn’t get any sleep if she didn’t. 

Reese watched her intently. “Looks like you could use a break.” he broke the silence. “Or at least a good shot of caffeine.”

“Both would be fantastic.” she raised her eyes to meet his. “But if I had to choose I think a break would win out.”

He pushed himself away from the doorjamb. “Well, lucky for you I’m here to offer both.” he made his way over to her and handed her the cup of coffee in his hand. “No cream. Two sugars.”

“Perfection. Thank you.”

He sat down in the chair beside her. “How’s the bill coming?”

Hillary took a sip of coffee. “We’ve hit a few bumps. If it weren’t for the damn republicans wanting to trade favors it could be finished.”

“You’ll find a way to make it work.” he assured her. “You always do.”

“It’s taking longer than I would like.” she admitted. “But I guess that’s politics as usual. How are things your way, Senator?”

“Well I’ve pissed off McConnell.”

Hillary smiled. “Welcome to the club.” she said. “You’re going to fit in just great.”

“I don’t know if I’ve properly thanked you for all your help with the election.” he said. “How about dinner?”

“Dinner with the First Lady is quite the ordeal.” she laughed. “We can’t just pick a restaurant and go out.”

“So, is takeout an option?”

Hillary nodded. “That’s not only an excellent option but one I would take you up on right now. I haven’t had anything to eat since lunch.”

Chinese takeout containers were strewn about the conference table. Reese’s introduction into chopsticks didn’t fare very well, but made for great entertainment. They laughed and talked through dinner, settling into comfortable conversation. 

Hillary picked up a fortune cookie and cracked it open. She read the message and then tossed it aside. “I don’t like that one.” she reached for another. “If you have an idea make it into reality.” she read. “That’s much better.”

Reese opened one. “Work with what you have.” he read. “I guess that one’s okay.” he picked another up and opened it. “You have good reason to be self- confident.”

She opened another. “To be idle is to be foolish.” she laughed. “Something tells me Golden Panda caters their fortune cookie messages to the politicians.” 

Reese laughed. “Perhaps.” he leaned forward and pushed her hair back away from her face. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too.” she replied. “Things have been hectic here.”

“And we’ve been avoiding each other.”

Hillary nodded in agreement. “That too.” she said. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot and what you represent to me. At first I thought it was my youth, but now I realize it’s innocence. You and I drifted apart. No one got hurt, no one got left behind, or cheating on. We just flourished in separate directions.”

“I think we had a wonderful young romance, kind of like the movies.” he added. “All the fighting, and breaking up, and making up. School dances and skinny dipping in the lake, getting drunk off cheap champagne. I don’t think I could have asked for a better first love.”

“Me either.” she agreed. “Maybe another place, another time. If things were different with Bill…”

“You love him.” he told her. “You love him in a way that you never loved me. He completes you, but doesn’t define you. It’s deep and it’s all consuming and I think you should do what your heart is telling you, Hillary. It wouldn’t be fair to either one of us to start something we can’t finish.”

Bill had left his office, his intention to seek her out. He could hear voices coming from the conference room, but stopped before he rounded the corner. The sound of his wife’s voice hitting his ears. 

“I do love you.” she said, softly. “You and I share something that Bill and I never will. And it means so much to me.”

Everything became quiet and Bill peered around the corner. But he wasn’t at all prepared for what he saw. 

Reese leaned forward, cupping Hillary’s her face in his hands. “I love you, too.” he whispered softly. His lips meet hers and they shared a sweet, gentle, loving kiss. 

Bill couldn’t believe what was going on. It was as if someone just hit him in the gut. He couldn’t breathe. Everything hurt. And he realized he needed to get the hell out of there. And quick.

Reese pulled back from her. “You think we could be political allies?”

Hillary smiled. “Most definitely.” she said. “Thanks for dinner.”

“It’s the least I could do.” he replied. “You did get me elected Senator after all.”

////

Bill made his way through the center hall and straight to the bar. After pouring a copious amount, he gulped down a third of the contents. A million things ran through his mind. He thought that things had went so well on their trip to Camp David. But now he knew better. After witnessing her with Reese he was sure it was over. His stomach was in knots. His wife was kissing another man. Telling him that she loved him. It was more than his heart could take. He gulped down the rest of the drink and sent the glass hurling across the room. It shattered against the door jamb. 

Secret Service was immediately in the hall. Bill shook his head. “It’s fine. I’m fine.” he assured him. “Leave it.” The agent nodded and left the room. 

Bill pulled off his wedding band and looked at it down in his palm before closing his fist around it. 

Hillary was making her way upstairs when she heard the faint shatter of glass. When she reached the doors to the center hall, an agent stepped in front of her. “Ma’am.”

“What is it?” she asked. “What’s wrong?”

“The President’s a little upset, ma’am.”

Hillary pushed past him and made her way into the residence. Stepping over broken glass at the entrance. She found him pouring a glass of liquor at the dry bar. “Bill?” she said. “What’s going on?”

He turned to look at her, tear tracks stained his face. He was struggling to hold his composure. “Not now, Hillary.” anger tinged his words. “Just go.”

She made her way toward him. “Tell me what’s happened.” she demanded. “Bill!"

“Hillary!” he snapped back. “You can have your damn divorce.” he flung something in his hand toward her. “And your Senator too.” He stormed off toward his bedroom. He was furious and he didn’t want to do or say something he would later regret. 

Hillary looked down at what landed on the floor a few feet left of her. She bent down and retrieved it from the ground. His wedding ring. “Bill!” she called after him. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

tbc....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking probably just one more chapter. Anyone have any fiction ideas? Throw them out at me. Working on another smut piece. Not sure when I'll get it done. My husband and children will be here tomorrow. I'll be so happy when Christmas break is over!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I thought we were done but apparently not.

When We Were Young

 

Hillary threw open his bedroom door with the flick of her wrist, it swung on its hinges. “Where the hell do you get off….”

“Me?” he interjected. “Oh, no, baby, this is all on you.”

She was confused by his actions and more so by his words. “Would you just please tell me what’s going on?” her voice got louder with every word she spoke.

“I told you.” he was practically seething. “The divorce is yours. You’re free to do as you please.” he told her. “Would you like your things moved to the Senator’s townhouse or would you prefer to just move him in here?”

Hillary moved closer to him. “Okay, Bill, we need to slow down here a minute.” she reached out to touch him but he flinched away from her as though she burnt him. “Bill.”  
“Don’t touch me.” he put several steps between the two of them. “Not when you were just with him.”

She fought back the urge to reach out for him again. Her hands balled into fists, trying to counter her anger. “I don’t know what’s going on here.” she told him. “Nothing you’re saying is making any sense to me. Can we please just start from the beginning?” 

Bill couldn’t swallow down his emotions. Even though he had set all of this into motion, he still couldn’t handle the fallout. Fresh tears stung his eyes. “I saw the two of you together.” he choked out. “I heard you telling him you love him.” He could barely get the words out. “I saw the two of you kissing.”

“Oh, God.” she whispered as she closed her eyes. Bill had seen the two of them together but apparently didn’t see or hear the entire thing. “Oh, Bill, I’m sorry.”

“Why couldn’t you just tell me?” he asked. “Why did you lead me on thinking we really had a chance? If this is your idea of revenge it’s much crueler than I thought you were capable of, Hillary.”

“William!” her voice rang out, causing a silence to fall over the room. “I need you to listen to me.” she said after she was sure she had his attention. “Just listen, okay?” He nodded and she continued. “Reese and I had dinner together this evening. We had a chance to talk about what’s been going on between us.”

Bill closed his eyes tightly, tears running down the corner of his eyes. Hillary reached out to wipe them away but he batted her hands away.

“Stop!” she said, pushing his hand away and wiping the tears from his face. “Look at me.” she cradled his face in her hands. “Open your eyes and look at me.” Blue orbs opened, locking with hers. “What you saw was a goodbye.” she told him. “Reese and I aren’t together. We’re just friends.”

“You told him you loved him and he said it back. You told him that the two of you shared something that you and I don’t.” he recalled her words. “And that it meant so much to you.”

“Reese was my first love.” she told him. “My first everything. I’ll always love him and he’ll always hold a special place in my heart.” Her eyes searched his, pleading for him to understand. “Bill, I want you.” she told him. “Only you.”

“Hils…”

“I love you and I want to be with you.” 

“You deserve better.” he said, honestly. All his earlier anger melted away and he was left with his fear. “Someone who won’t let you down. You can say it’s your history that pulls you together as much as you want but we both know there’s more to it than that. He’s never hurt you the way I have. And he is the better option, Hillary, you and I both know it.”

“I’m the only one who can decide what’s best for me.” she said. “And I happen to think that giving you another chance is worth it. I love you so much and I want to spend the rest of our lives together. I’ve never been more sure of that than I am right now in the moment.”

“I love you and I was so scared of losing you.” he rested his forehead against his. “I don’t deserve you, I know that. Things are going to be different this time. And I know I’ve said that before but I mean it this time.”

“We’re going to make a fresh start.”

He pulled back to look at her. “What did you have in mind?”

Hillary pulled off her wedding rings and his that she had stacked on top of hers. She slipped them in the pocket of his dress shirt. “First off, a new proposal.” she started. “New wedding, new vows, new rings.”

“I love that idea.” he reached for her now bare left hand. “Shall I get down on one knee?”

“No.” she smiled. He reached out, gently caressing her face. “William Clinton, would you do me the honor of marrying me?”

“Yes.” Tears danced in his eyes. “A thousand times yes.”

Hillary leaned in and kissed him, softly. “You’ve made me the happiest woman alive.”

Bill laughed. God how he had missed this. He missed them and their simplicity, their banter, their laughter. They just stood and held each other for the longest time. They had finally found their way back to each other. “Call up Oscar and have him bring over some gowns.” he told her. “We’re going all out this time, baby.”

“You know I don’t need fancy and elaborate.”

“I know.” he said, pulling her into his arms. “But you deserve it. We deserve it.”

Her lips covered his drawing him into a long, sensual battle that threatened to burn them both. “I’ve missed you so much.” her hands went for the buttons down his shirt. But they were quickly stopped by his. 

“No.” he protested. 

She arched an eyebrow. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I think we should wait.”

“Wait?”

Bill nodded. “Until after we’re married.”

Hillary laughed, deep and full bodied. “Oh, Bill.”

“I’m serious, baby.” And he was. “I want to wait until our wedding night.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am.” he said. “I told you things were going to be different this time and I meant it. No sex until after the ceremony.”

 

tbc…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all are so amazing with all your feedback and kudos and love! I've been writing fanfic for years and I've never been more comfortable in a fandom. I will admit that I would like to take the Clinton's to a dark and dirty place in my next fic. Lots of drama and angst challenge me. I'd like to tangle up Hillary and Monica. I'm working on a little smut piece and a Huma family feels one too. Hoping to get them finished this afternoon.


	12. Chapter 12

We Were Young

Hillary entered the dressing room in yet another wedding dress. She made her way up to the full-length mirror.

“This is perfect!” Nancy beamed.

Her eyes met her friends in the mirror. “You’ve said that about the last eight dresses.”

“I mean it this time.” she came closer to her, fluffing out the bottom of the dress. “This is beautiful on you, Hils.”

She eyed her reflection. “I don’t know, Nance.” she bit at her bottom lip. “It really isn’t what I was going for. It’s white.”

“They can make it in a different color.”

Hillary could see Huma shaking her head in the background. “Huma?”

The young intern shrugged. “I don’t like it.” she said. “Makes you look old.”

“I am old compared to you, dear.”

“Grandma old.” she clarified. “Let me pick something?” she didn’t even wait for her boss’s answer before she left the room.

Nancy looked over at Hillary. “That one’s a keeper.” she told her. “She’ll make an excellent advisor for your campaign.”

Hillary shook her head. “You’re just trying to keep me in Washington.”

“Damn right.” she agreed. “What the hell am I going to do without you? Campaign for the Senator’s seat in New York. We both know you’d win.”

“We’ll see.”

Huma re-entered the room with an ivory colored dress. It was simple, but elegant. A lace bodice with a silk bottom, overlaid with chiffon. The back was open and the neckline dipped ever so slightly. The capped sleeves finished off the delicate look.

Hillary came out once again and made her way to the mirrors. “I love it.” she smiled, turning to look at the dress in the back. “This is the one. Thank you, Huma.”

Huma smiled. “You’re quite welcome.”

Nancy smiled and wrapped her arm around Huma’s waist. “Now that one is absolutely breathtaking.” she said. “You did good, kid.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Pelosi.”

“I think you’ve earned the right to call me Nancy.” she told her. “Now let’s get some champagne and celebrate!”

/////

Bill and Chelsea looked over the array of rings in front of them. His eye kept coming back to a large, princess cut diamond. Hillary’s taste in jewelry had always been more modest. “I don’t know, Chels.” he sighed. “What do you think?”

“It’s hard to pick, dad.” And it really was. The selection was exquisite. “Which one do you like best?”

He pointed out his pick. “This one.”

“Wow.” she exhaled. “Not something I can really picture Mom picking out.”

“I know.” he sighed. “But there’s just something about it that I like.”

“Then that’s the one you should get.”

Bill picked the ring up, studying it from all angles. “You think she’ll like it?”

“I think she’ll love it.” she smiled at her dad. “Because you picked it out for her. Besides who wouldn’t love that rock.”

He laughed and kissed the top of her head. “Now we need to find a band to go with it.”

“It should have some color in it.” she suggested. “Just a little bit.”

“So, what do you know what the dress looks like?”

Chelsea just shook her head. “You’re the reason I couldn’t go with them today. Mom was afraid you would get me to tell you. And she really wants it to be a surprise.”

/////

Bill straightened his tie for the ninth time. He wasn’t even this jumpy on their first wedding day. He couldn’t seem to calm his nerves. 

“You’re not getting cold feet are you, Bill?” Al teased him. “It would be rather hard to get you out of the White House without anyone seeing you.”

He chuckled. “I’m just anxious.” He said. “I feel like I’ve been waiting forever for this day. In fact, I didn’t even think it would come. I was so sure she would divorce me.”

Al clapped him on the shoulder. “Things always work out the way they’re supposed to.” he told him. “You should be thankful, you got your girl back.”

Bill nodded in agreement. “I’m not going to feel like it’s real until I slip these rings on her finger.”

/////

Her hair was perfect. Her makeup was perfect. Her dress was perfect. She was perfect. A beautiful work of art. 

“You look gorgeous.” Nancy told her. “Absolutely divine. I think you’re going to knock your groom on his ass.”

“Thank you, love.” she smiled. “And you’re welcome for not having to wear an ugly dress.”

Nancy twirled around in her gold silk dress. “It is lovely.” she said. “Now don’t forget there’s a clasp at the neck and at the lower back. Then buttons halfway down the back. And for God’s sake don’t rip the lace.”

“I remember.”

“Yeah you remember now.” she told her. “Who says you’re going to remember once you get to Camp David. Or in the limo ride there.”

“Oh, Nancy.” she sighed. “I wouldn’t take the dress off in the limo.” 

Nancy shrugged. “That’s a lot of silk and chiffon to bunch up around your waist.”

Hillary laughed. “You’re awful.”

“I’m realistic.” she replied. “Bill’s request was downright cruel.”

“I think it was romantic.”

She laughed. “Like hell you did.”

////

It was a small, intimate gathering. Hillary refused to let anyone walk her down the aisle. Asserting that she belonged to no one but herself. And it didn’t matter to Bill because once she entered the room she’s the only one he could see anyway. 

They exchanged traditional vows. And new wedding bands, just as she had suggested. They kissed soft and slow, perhaps lingering a little too long from their guests. And then hand in hand they walked down the aisle together. Ready to take on the rest of their lives together. 

They were dancing the first dance of the evening. After much argument, they had agreed to a small reception with a formal dinner. Bill took her in his arms, pulling her close to him. Hillary could see the tears glistening in his eyes. 

“Don’t cry, darling.” she gently touched his face. “I’m not going to run away. I’ve already got the ring and everything.”

He laughed softly, leaning into her. “You’re gorgeous, absolutely breathtaking.”

“Thank you.” she smiled. “You look very handsome.”

“You think so?”

“Definitely.” she replied. “I can’t wait to get you alone.”

Bill winked at her. “Just you wait until you see what I have planned.”

“Promises, promises.”

He waltzed her around the room. “Patience my love.” he told her. “It’ll be well worth your wait.”

“You better hope so.”

/////

The entire bedroom was filled with red roses and glowing candlelight. Champagne was chilled in the bucket on the dresser and two glass waited to be filled. Hillary didn’t think they would ever arrive at their destination. Bill had held her in his arms the entire way, telling her how much he loved her. And while she loved every moment of it she was looking forward to being alone with him. As alone as they could be with Secret Service surrounding their every move. 

“This is incredible.” Hillary smiled as she looked around the room. “You’ve thought of everything.”

“Oh, you have no idea.” he teased her. 

She closed and locked the door behind them. “I gave the boys explicit instructions not to disturb us.”

He reached out for her and drew her into his arms. “Come here, I have something for you.”

“Oh, yeah?” she arched an eyebrow.

“I hope you like it.” he reached inside his breast pocket. “Because I love it.” he took the ring out and presented it to her. “I’m doing this in reverse, but will you remain my wife for the rest of my life?”

Her eyes immediately fell on the diamond. “Wow.” she breathed out. “That’s incredible.”

“You’re incredible.” he took her left hand in his. “What do you say?”

A smile pulled at the corners of her mouth. “Well, let’s see how it fits first.”

He laughed. “Kind of like Cinderella.” he slid the ring down to rest on top of her wedding band. “What do you think, love?”

“Perfect fit.” she smiled up at him. “Must be true love.”

“We wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t.” his smile lit up the room. “Now, let’s pour some champagne, shall we?”

“That’s what you want to do?” she asked. “We’re completely alone and it is our wedding night.”

“And we have the entire night.” he reminded her. “We’re going to enjoy every moment of it. I intend to keep you up until the sun rises.”

And he did. 

 

-Finished.


End file.
